The night of July 7th, as Ben & I prepared for bed, I had the odd feeling that I needed to make sure I could hear my cell during the night. As it would turn out, Debbie (my step-mother) called about 1:30am to tell me my Dad had had a stroke and they were preparing to air-flight him to Louisville, that things did not look good. So, out the door we went to meet my brother, Shane.
My Mom brought Shane to meet me and he told her he was not listening to 106.9 the whole way. Mom smiled, thinking to herself that he would as long as the station held out because this is the radio station I listen to.
Side note: During a recent life group, someone had expressed feelings about a close person developing alzheimers and the loss that comes with that...I felt prompted to buy her a book. I searched the net for a book and ran across "A Grace Disguised-How The Soul Grows Through Loss" so I ordered it. Well I kept hearing from God that this book was for me...but it made no sense because I wasn't dealing with loss. When the book came...I froze because on the cover was a blue herron (one of my God signs) so I gave in to God and began reading the book-still not understanding why He wanted ME to read this book.
Around 2:30 Ben, Shane & I have set out for KY (yes 106.9 was on the radio) and Louis Grant was on speaking about of all things, loss (wham the book came crashing back to me as why God wanted ME to read it)...and then he read this poem:
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
by David M. Romano
When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Well.....talk about an awkward silence. Neither of us said anything for quite a while. We both acted as if we didn't hear it. However, I knew in my heart it was a gift from God about Daddy. We made it in time to see Daddy before the stroke really started to take him out. We were faced with some hard decisions but thankfully Daddy had already made them very clear for us. In the end, for what seemed like forever, but was only two days, we were able to spend two full days with Daddy. He knew us at first--he was so happy when I called him and told him Paul had proposed. He had been waiting on this and the subject of love, life and marriage was what our last in depth conversation was about-oh also death. He knew his time was short. So when he saw us at the hospital, he just smiled and reached out for my hand and kept playing with my ring-all the while a tear formed in his eye. He grabbed onto Shane as well. For Ben, he rubbed his head and his face, as if to always remember...
On Thursday, Ben & I went to find somewhere to eat. My mind was not functioning so we circled Louisville several times, and kept seeing this billboard with Jesus on it & a scripture in Spanish. Finally we found a McDonalds and sat in the upstairs part to eat. Well, right in my eye line was the billboard again. I knew enough Spanish to know the reference was Matthew 11:28 but didn't remember the scripture so I looked it up on my Bible app on the phone. It took my breath away:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I knew God was calling Daddy home. I felt such a peace!
See, Back in November (you can read that post on the blog as well) Daddy & I had very serious conversations about everything because as I said, he knew his time was approaching. He showed me everything he had that meant something to him and talked to me about marriage & Paul and Ben and raising a son to be a man. This was a gift as well because Daddy & I were not always on the best of terms since we were so much alike(stubborn & hard-headed), we often clashed. I left that November with such a peace and thankfulness for the time we spent together. Time is something we so often take for granted and can't control --- so I thank God for this gift.
Back to Louisville---as the day(Thursday) wore on with Dad, he began to slip away and we knew his time was short. Debbie stayed with Daddy as Ben, Shane & I tried to get some sleep--we had all said our goodbye's when we left. Around one, Debbie called and said it would not be long so we went back to the hospital. As we all sat there, we hoped Paul, Shane's girlfriend Erin and Mom would get there before he passed-they were set to arrive at 9am. Somewhere around 7:30am we were all awake and waiting silently-praying! And I took my phone out to read my daiy Bible verses...guess what one was:....
Matthew 11:28-30--- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I immediately shared this with Debbie, Shane & Ben...they were amazed at God's comforting to us! Within a few minutes, I asked Debbie what version of Amazing Grace she liked and she began to softly sing the My Chains Are Gone version....as she did, Ben & Shane got my attention because Daddy's eyes flew open and looked upward.....and it was obvious he was leaving us...I quickly began to play the song on my phone and Daddy entered the arms of Christ as we wept and held him while listening to 'Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone'. It was the saddest, happiest, most peaceful moment for us to share. Words truly can't express what I felt.
The rest of our family did arrive at 9 and Paul was able to shake my Dads hand and tell him that he would take care of his little girl!
Now the greatest part of this story is what I saw happen in my brother. See he witnessed some bad things happen in church and has since stayed away....well at the memorial services, Shane decided he would stand with me as I spoke about how we saw God through it all...then he actually spoke and his words were "If you saw what we saw you wouldn't doubt God!"
Amen!
God is very real, and I can't make you believe me, nor do I want to, I want you to experience Him for yourself...whether you believe or doubt God today....ask Him to show Himself to you and then quieten your mind so you can hear, because God is real!
