Love....do i love, do i not love

Lately, God has really been working on me about being loving. I don't mean being sweet to a stranger, or smiling at someone I don't know, encouraging someone, etc. No this is not what God has been working on....He has been stressing me to get to the heart of the matter-the deepest reasons, feelings I have for what I do & say. Now I consider myself to be a normal human (remembering normal for me may not be normal for you-ha!) I mean, I am human...a Christian--wait I am a Jesus follower, meaning I truly want to do things that bring glory to Christ and I strive to be like him....notice I said strive, trying..not perfect or anywhere near!
So God keeps bringing LOVE to mind....and to be totally honest I am sick of this word for many reasons. One being how we don't even know what the word means...oh and to mention all the meanings we have tagged onto it. Seriously..I love salsa...I love my son...I love the beach..I love my family...I love A/C...I love to talk to strangers...I love my cat & dog...I love Jesus...I love computers....So do you think I feel the same about each of these? Do you think I would give up something for each of these? Would I react the same to each being taken away? No...is the answer to all these.
So what is love....and if I am a Jesus follower how can I show love and not do it hipocritcally?
Love...
forgiving, obedience, giving, selfless, acting the same to those who don't deserve it as to those who may, serving, to do what is best for someone, trust, honesty, openness, togetherness, action.
Love is not a feeling as we so often confuse it with--it is not how another person makes us feel either.
yes love is complicated....I must keep going back to the source of love...Christ to help me understand it and forgive people(even myself) for the hurt love has brought about---because it was used in the wrong way.
So--back to what God has been doing in my heart...taking love to a new level. a cutting level because it has hurt. It hurts to see yourself as something you don't like.
To top it off, my neighbors have 2 puppies that they allow to roam..well guess where they like to go....yep my house. And I love dogs, but being honest, view them as pests if they aren't mine. Seriously don't want them jumping on me as I sit peacefully on my front porch or running around my legs as I try to walk. So I do an honorable thing...I offer them to use my extra dog lot. Only thing is, they leave the door open to the lot--uh helllooooo its a lot..meant to keep in not for them to freeling visit. As the anger and frustration surmounted last week, I watched a very funny movie on Sat night. Only thing is...the movie hit on something inside me that makes me very angry at myself about. Hence is where I have the problem with my relationship with God...truly believing He has forgiven me for some things and then living in that! I tend to keep going back into it...not liking myself for it....and Satan used that movie and my mind (since I was already angry at the puppies and myself mostly) to really pull me down. I was angry..and not sure why ---yet deep inside I did know why. So Sunday morning the puppies were at it again and with all the anger I felt, I wanted to go wake the people up and tell them to keep the dogs UP!! Then I hear the small still voice of God...."would that show Christ to them Shannon?" NO...NO it wouldn't nor do I care at the moment...oh but then I felt horrible becasue I do care. So repeat that conversation in varying ways for several hours Sunday morning. I went to church with an angry heart...a war battling between doing what I should and what I wanted to do.  Guess what was talked about in church..seriously----same type situation with a neighbors dog..I almost laughed out loud at God's humor. I kept hearing from God...'Shannon you may be the only Jesus these people ever see and you want to yell at them over 2 puppies?" UGH!!! So I knew if I was going to say anything, it had to be with love....well I am not one to wait so sure enough right after church as I am out playing with my dog they pull in...so I put my dog up and walk over. With almost tears in my eyes, I just talked to them....told them about another area dog being poisoned & dying the day before because of roaming and they suggested they keep them up more...Well..I never thought of just talking to them...no anger got in the way because I wanted my way......but that isn't love....no love is what's best for them...for the other person.
So no earth moved literally but some moved in my heart and God is still showing me how to truly be a loving person. I also think God needs us 'Christians' to either stop saying we are such if we are not going to at least try to act like Him....or better yet...let's all start trying to act like Christ and follow His leading! And you know what...we need each other to help us do that..we need prayers, encouragement & truthfulness among us.
So....off to show some love...and mean it!
(ps--I never re-read my posts because I would change alot..so sorry for the rambling but hope you see my heart)