Today as I sit to write it is very hard...for reasons I can't even begin to tell you, nor do you need to know. What I do want you to know is the lessons I have learned, in hopes you don't have to endure the pain I have in the learning process.
Lesson: We humans CANNOT change a person to believe/do/act/desire something they don't want to. Even if they say they want to--spend time with them to see if there is a true hearts desire to do as they say, or if it's merely an act to benefit themselves somehow.
Lesson: In the above getting to know a person stage...be careful to not overlook small whispered warnings because you want something so badly. It only ends in pain because a person can't live what they don't believe in their heart--it produces anger and pain, often taken out on the very one they tried to impress.
Lesson: Never judgementally approach a friend about what you see as a wrong fit for them...they are needing and wanting something badly...the best way often is to approach in love & concern for them--not damnation. Maybe just asking them to wait is all that needs to happen.
Lesson: If you are the person, ask your close friends, those who really know you, and be honest with yourself above all people!! God gives us subtle signs and even when we are very aware of them, we are human and can choose to ignore them. My advice here is to THINK & WAIT & SEEK GOD then do it all some more!
Lastly I would have to say....if we seek something or someone else more than God...He may give us exactly what we are seeking in order to gently put our broken pieces back together one day and say "My child, I created you, I know you, I love you, I have been with you all along, waiting for you to realize I do have something for you. Now allow me to heal your wounds, build you back up to the person I want you to be, and we can get on with our journey. No child, it doesn't matter what this looks like to the world...even those who think they understand me are often wrong..see child I work through those who are willing and don't try to contain me to a perfect box...I work in the poor, the destitute, the down and out as well as those rising above. I work in anyone, white black, red, yellow, poor, rich, middle class, married, widowed, single parents, divorced, you name them...I made and love them no matter the mistakes,,,cause we all make them--some are just aware they have. My child, I am here to start over again where we left off. Hang on cause I will never leave nor forsake you...don't you get that? -My Daddy, God/Jesus Christ"
May you learn.....
Starting over,
Shannon
Personalize this passage for you as I have:
The Year of the LORD's Favor
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for (Shannon) those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on (her) them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
(She) They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:1-3
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
broken pieces
"When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But he doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble & selects some of the shards as raw materials for another project--a mosiac that te...lls the story of redemption" -Ken Gire (aka my life)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Be either cold or hot...
"I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, 'I'm rich, I've got it made, I need nothing from anyone,' oblivious that in fact you're a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless.
"Here's what I want you to do: Buy your gold from me, gold that's been through the refiner's fire. Then you'll be rich. Buy your clothes from me, clothes designed in Heaven. You've gone around half-naked long enough. And buy medicine for your eyes from me so you can see, really see.
"The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and guide so that they'll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!
"Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That's my gift to the conquerors!
"Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches."
-Rev 3:15-22 (Msg)
As I reflect on 2009 today, I am reminded of my(our) reason for being (to glorify God & be a vessel in which others may see Him in me) and how can I do this more & more effectively in 2010...
Lord today my prayer is to continue to use me for "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:10
Also I continue to live my life verse: Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I thank you for the way you were so real in my life in 2009---it was a hard year on many levels and as it ends, I am so uncertain. Yet, Lord I cling to you because you have never left or failed me before! Hold me/carry me Lord for I cannot do it alone, You are the strength in me and I ask that You continue the work You have begun in me!
Thank you~me
"Here's what I want you to do: Buy your gold from me, gold that's been through the refiner's fire. Then you'll be rich. Buy your clothes from me, clothes designed in Heaven. You've gone around half-naked long enough. And buy medicine for your eyes from me so you can see, really see.
"The people I love, I call to account—prod and correct and guide so that they'll live at their best. Up on your feet, then! About face! Run after God!
"Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That's my gift to the conquerors!
"Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches."
-Rev 3:15-22 (Msg)
As I reflect on 2009 today, I am reminded of my(our) reason for being (to glorify God & be a vessel in which others may see Him in me) and how can I do this more & more effectively in 2010...
Lord today my prayer is to continue to use me for "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:10
Also I continue to live my life verse: Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I thank you for the way you were so real in my life in 2009---it was a hard year on many levels and as it ends, I am so uncertain. Yet, Lord I cling to you because you have never left or failed me before! Hold me/carry me Lord for I cannot do it alone, You are the strength in me and I ask that You continue the work You have begun in me!
Thank you~me
Monday, November 16, 2009
Believing God...
1. God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's Word is alive & active in me
**I AM believing God!
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's Word is alive & active in me
**I AM believing God!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
e-collar
Today as I was doing my Believing God study, Beth Moore told about walking her dogs and asking God if this was like Him walking her-because she questioned if she kept trying to slip out of the leash unnoticed. Wow..I thought oh my do I do this? As I looked over at Watson--our acquired homeless dog, who mind you is the stubbornest thing dog I know--I saw myself and what God has to do sometimes to get my attention.
See Watson got his ear cut the other night & it would not stop bleeding. Really..our garage looked like a murder scene more than once because we thought we had the bleeding stopped. We held him tight, applying pressure but oh no--this made him even more determined. So, once the bleeding would stop and we would allow him to walk, hoping he would lay down and rest---He would sling his head & the blood would fly. Not only did he do this, he tried to fix it himself by rubbing his head on anything he could--not knowing this was making it much worse. So after a trip to an emergency vet, Watson was not stitched up-but bandaged up with an e-collar. Again, not a happy dog but the bleeding had stopped-or so we thought. See we did the first thing that came to mind and that was to fix it immediately. So today we take him to our regular vet and they remove the bandage and sling...blood flies everywhere once again. They were shocked he didn't get stitches and said since it was on a blood vessel, that stitches were required. So Watson is once again home, stitched up and wearing the e-collar again.
In relation to God, I thought Wow! how my walk is so often like this...I mean often I am hurt or need answers & turn to the first thing I THINK will help or offer answers...oh how wrong I often am and know it. Just like Watson, we need to wait on the One who knows us, created us for help & direction. If we don't, because God does love us, He often has to correct us, or allow us to suffer through our choices--sometimes even requiring us to wear e-collar of life--meaning we are forced to focus on something else to get us to the point of allowing God to help us...
anyway ....ponderings of my mind today I felt I should share...
See Watson got his ear cut the other night & it would not stop bleeding. Really..our garage looked like a murder scene more than once because we thought we had the bleeding stopped. We held him tight, applying pressure but oh no--this made him even more determined. So, once the bleeding would stop and we would allow him to walk, hoping he would lay down and rest---He would sling his head & the blood would fly. Not only did he do this, he tried to fix it himself by rubbing his head on anything he could--not knowing this was making it much worse. So after a trip to an emergency vet, Watson was not stitched up-but bandaged up with an e-collar. Again, not a happy dog but the bleeding had stopped-or so we thought. See we did the first thing that came to mind and that was to fix it immediately. So today we take him to our regular vet and they remove the bandage and sling...blood flies everywhere once again. They were shocked he didn't get stitches and said since it was on a blood vessel, that stitches were required. So Watson is once again home, stitched up and wearing the e-collar again.
In relation to God, I thought Wow! how my walk is so often like this...I mean often I am hurt or need answers & turn to the first thing I THINK will help or offer answers...oh how wrong I often am and know it. Just like Watson, we need to wait on the One who knows us, created us for help & direction. If we don't, because God does love us, He often has to correct us, or allow us to suffer through our choices--sometimes even requiring us to wear e-collar of life--meaning we are forced to focus on something else to get us to the point of allowing God to help us...
anyway ....ponderings of my mind today I felt I should share...
Monday, August 31, 2009
God was there...
I have put off writing about this for to long now...i suppose something inside me feels writing about it makes it real or something like that. Either way, I have known I needed to write this but ran & well here I am...finally writing with the hopes someone will see, as we saw, how real God is!
The night of July 7th, as Ben & I prepared for bed, I had the odd feeling that I needed to make sure I could hear my cell during the night. As it would turn out, Debbie (my step-mother) called about 1:30am to tell me my Dad had had a stroke and they were preparing to air-flight him to Louisville, that things did not look good. So, out the door we went to meet my brother, Shane.
My Mom brought Shane to meet me and he told her he was not listening to 106.9 the whole way. Mom smiled, thinking to herself that he would as long as the station held out because this is the radio station I listen to.
Side note: During a recent life group, someone had expressed feelings about a close person developing alzheimers and the loss that comes with that...I felt prompted to buy her a book. I searched the net for a book and ran across "A Grace Disguised-How The Soul Grows Through Loss" so I ordered it. Well I kept hearing from God that this book was for me...but it made no sense because I wasn't dealing with loss. When the book came...I froze because on the cover was a blue herron (one of my God signs) so I gave in to God and began reading the book-still not understanding why He wanted ME to read this book.
Around 2:30 Ben, Shane & I have set out for KY (yes 106.9 was on the radio) and Louis Grant was on speaking about of all things, loss (wham the book came crashing back to me as why God wanted ME to read it)...and then he read this poem:
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
by David M. Romano
When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Well.....talk about an awkward silence. Neither of us said anything for quite a while. We both acted as if we didn't hear it. However, I knew in my heart it was a gift from God about Daddy. We made it in time to see Daddy before the stroke really started to take him out. We were faced with some hard decisions but thankfully Daddy had already made them very clear for us. In the end, for what seemed like forever, but was only two days, we were able to spend two full days with Daddy. He knew us at first--he was so happy when I called him and told him Paul had proposed. He had been waiting on this and the subject of love, life and marriage was what our last in depth conversation was about-oh also death. He knew his time was short. So when he saw us at the hospital, he just smiled and reached out for my hand and kept playing with my ring-all the while a tear formed in his eye. He grabbed onto Shane as well. For Ben, he rubbed his head and his face, as if to always remember...
On Thursday, Ben & I went to find somewhere to eat. My mind was not functioning so we circled Louisville several times, and kept seeing this billboard with Jesus on it & a scripture in Spanish. Finally we found a McDonalds and sat in the upstairs part to eat. Well, right in my eye line was the billboard again. I knew enough Spanish to know the reference was Matthew 11:28 but didn't remember the scripture so I looked it up on my Bible app on the phone. It took my breath away:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I knew God was calling Daddy home. I felt such a peace!
See, Back in November (you can read that post on the blog as well) Daddy & I had very serious conversations about everything because as I said, he knew his time was approaching. He showed me everything he had that meant something to him and talked to me about marriage & Paul and Ben and raising a son to be a man. This was a gift as well because Daddy & I were not always on the best of terms since we were so much alike(stubborn & hard-headed), we often clashed. I left that November with such a peace and thankfulness for the time we spent together. Time is something we so often take for granted and can't control --- so I thank God for this gift.
Back to Louisville---as the day(Thursday) wore on with Dad, he began to slip away and we knew his time was short. Debbie stayed with Daddy as Ben, Shane & I tried to get some sleep--we had all said our goodbye's when we left. Around one, Debbie called and said it would not be long so we went back to the hospital. As we all sat there, we hoped Paul, Shane's girlfriend Erin and Mom would get there before he passed-they were set to arrive at 9am. Somewhere around 7:30am we were all awake and waiting silently-praying! And I took my phone out to read my daiy Bible verses...guess what one was:....
Matthew 11:28-30--- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I immediately shared this with Debbie, Shane & Ben...they were amazed at God's comforting to us! Within a few minutes, I asked Debbie what version of Amazing Grace she liked and she began to softly sing the My Chains Are Gone version....as she did, Ben & Shane got my attention because Daddy's eyes flew open and looked upward.....and it was obvious he was leaving us...I quickly began to play the song on my phone and Daddy entered the arms of Christ as we wept and held him while listening to 'Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone'. It was the saddest, happiest, most peaceful moment for us to share. Words truly can't express what I felt.
The rest of our family did arrive at 9 and Paul was able to shake my Dads hand and tell him that he would take care of his little girl!
Now the greatest part of this story is what I saw happen in my brother. See he witnessed some bad things happen in church and has since stayed away....well at the memorial services, Shane decided he would stand with me as I spoke about how we saw God through it all...then he actually spoke and his words were "If you saw what we saw you wouldn't doubt God!"
Amen!
God is very real, and I can't make you believe me, nor do I want to, I want you to experience Him for yourself...whether you believe or doubt God today....ask Him to show Himself to you and then quieten your mind so you can hear, because God is real!
The night of July 7th, as Ben & I prepared for bed, I had the odd feeling that I needed to make sure I could hear my cell during the night. As it would turn out, Debbie (my step-mother) called about 1:30am to tell me my Dad had had a stroke and they were preparing to air-flight him to Louisville, that things did not look good. So, out the door we went to meet my brother, Shane.
My Mom brought Shane to meet me and he told her he was not listening to 106.9 the whole way. Mom smiled, thinking to herself that he would as long as the station held out because this is the radio station I listen to.
Side note: During a recent life group, someone had expressed feelings about a close person developing alzheimers and the loss that comes with that...I felt prompted to buy her a book. I searched the net for a book and ran across "A Grace Disguised-How The Soul Grows Through Loss" so I ordered it. Well I kept hearing from God that this book was for me...but it made no sense because I wasn't dealing with loss. When the book came...I froze because on the cover was a blue herron (one of my God signs) so I gave in to God and began reading the book-still not understanding why He wanted ME to read this book.
Around 2:30 Ben, Shane & I have set out for KY (yes 106.9 was on the radio) and Louis Grant was on speaking about of all things, loss (wham the book came crashing back to me as why God wanted ME to read it)...and then he read this poem:
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
by David M. Romano
When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
Well.....talk about an awkward silence. Neither of us said anything for quite a while. We both acted as if we didn't hear it. However, I knew in my heart it was a gift from God about Daddy. We made it in time to see Daddy before the stroke really started to take him out. We were faced with some hard decisions but thankfully Daddy had already made them very clear for us. In the end, for what seemed like forever, but was only two days, we were able to spend two full days with Daddy. He knew us at first--he was so happy when I called him and told him Paul had proposed. He had been waiting on this and the subject of love, life and marriage was what our last in depth conversation was about-oh also death. He knew his time was short. So when he saw us at the hospital, he just smiled and reached out for my hand and kept playing with my ring-all the while a tear formed in his eye. He grabbed onto Shane as well. For Ben, he rubbed his head and his face, as if to always remember...
On Thursday, Ben & I went to find somewhere to eat. My mind was not functioning so we circled Louisville several times, and kept seeing this billboard with Jesus on it & a scripture in Spanish. Finally we found a McDonalds and sat in the upstairs part to eat. Well, right in my eye line was the billboard again. I knew enough Spanish to know the reference was Matthew 11:28 but didn't remember the scripture so I looked it up on my Bible app on the phone. It took my breath away:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I knew God was calling Daddy home. I felt such a peace!
See, Back in November (you can read that post on the blog as well) Daddy & I had very serious conversations about everything because as I said, he knew his time was approaching. He showed me everything he had that meant something to him and talked to me about marriage & Paul and Ben and raising a son to be a man. This was a gift as well because Daddy & I were not always on the best of terms since we were so much alike(stubborn & hard-headed), we often clashed. I left that November with such a peace and thankfulness for the time we spent together. Time is something we so often take for granted and can't control --- so I thank God for this gift.
Back to Louisville---as the day(Thursday) wore on with Dad, he began to slip away and we knew his time was short. Debbie stayed with Daddy as Ben, Shane & I tried to get some sleep--we had all said our goodbye's when we left. Around one, Debbie called and said it would not be long so we went back to the hospital. As we all sat there, we hoped Paul, Shane's girlfriend Erin and Mom would get there before he passed-they were set to arrive at 9am. Somewhere around 7:30am we were all awake and waiting silently-praying! And I took my phone out to read my daiy Bible verses...guess what one was:....
Matthew 11:28-30--- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I immediately shared this with Debbie, Shane & Ben...they were amazed at God's comforting to us! Within a few minutes, I asked Debbie what version of Amazing Grace she liked and she began to softly sing the My Chains Are Gone version....as she did, Ben & Shane got my attention because Daddy's eyes flew open and looked upward.....and it was obvious he was leaving us...I quickly began to play the song on my phone and Daddy entered the arms of Christ as we wept and held him while listening to 'Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone'. It was the saddest, happiest, most peaceful moment for us to share. Words truly can't express what I felt.
The rest of our family did arrive at 9 and Paul was able to shake my Dads hand and tell him that he would take care of his little girl!
Now the greatest part of this story is what I saw happen in my brother. See he witnessed some bad things happen in church and has since stayed away....well at the memorial services, Shane decided he would stand with me as I spoke about how we saw God through it all...then he actually spoke and his words were "If you saw what we saw you wouldn't doubt God!"
Amen!
God is very real, and I can't make you believe me, nor do I want to, I want you to experience Him for yourself...whether you believe or doubt God today....ask Him to show Himself to you and then quieten your mind so you can hear, because God is real!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
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